Women Anger Management

When I tell women that I offer anger trainings, the response is often the same: “Anger? Uh, oh,… I don’t get angry.” And they politely try to divert the conversation to less threatening topics.

There are other women who I can tell take interest. There’s a spark in the corner of their eye, a curiosity. After all, if you met me, you wouldn’t necessarily consider me an “angry woman” in the common understanding of angry.

The interesting thing is: What people associate with anger is an unconscious expression of anger aimed at avoiding responsibility. They may think that anger is bad, because the way they’ve seen it expressed or experienced it is violent, destructive, and anything but how they’d like to be. It does not fit with the golden goal of being a nice girl, a good woman, a friendly person.

It’s a tragedy that girls and women have not been taught to use their anger constructively.

Whereas more and more women are taking a stand to educate others on the immense value of women’s anger (check out for instance Soraya Chemaly, Rage Becomes Her; or Lucy H. Pearce, Burning Woman), the large majority of women is still trying to avoid feeling angry.

It is a tragedy because anger is a huge resource for evolution of our species and this planet. I would go so far as to say that women’s lack of access to conscious anger is in fact costing us life on this planet.

When women live in the belief that anger is bad, they have to suppress and numb it. There are many ways to numb anger. Intellectualizing, confusion, overwhelm, self-harming, over-working, over- or under-eating, over-talking, shopping, social media, humoring, putting a smile on, diverting, alcohol and other drugs are just some examples of how best to numb the feeling of anger. Mixing your anger with sadness and becoming depressed, or mixing your anger with fear and becoming hysterical are other very effective ways used by women to stay numb and not have access to anger as a resource.

Rest assured: it leaks out anyway. Anger won’t go away by ignoring it. Instead, it will linger around and expresses in unconscious ways.

Did you ever come across women gossiping?
Instead of taking whatever doesn’t work for them to the person concerned, the energy is used to talk to a third person about it. It doesn’t change the situation with the person concerned and it sews animosity.

Did you ever come across women nagging, e.g. at their partners?
Instead of saying what they want they kindle the resentment of unfulfilled expectations.

Imagine for a moment that you had not been conditioned on planet Earth and arrived here without any preconception of anger. You would then be open to experiencing it as neutral energy and information that can serve you.

How could anger serve you?

You can do an experiment right here and right now: Stand up, feet firmly on the ground, focus on your center and start making fists, getting just slightly angry, to a maximum of 10% on your full spectrum of anger capacity. Then notice what happens in your body.

You may find that you get hot, that there’s a heat rising in your body. Maybe you notice that you stand taller. Or you get an urge to spring into action. (Note: If you start to feel sad, lower the amount of anger so that you can experience it clearly without the sadness.)

These are some of the qualities of anger. Anger as neutral energy and information can serve you to:

· Stand tall;

· know and say what you want, even if others might not like you for it;

· take a stand for what matters for you;

· know what you care about, what you’re passionate about;

· know your boundaries and to communicate them;

· say No! and Yes!;

· have clarity from within and not just your mental body;

· be centered;

· be your own authority;

· say what you really need to say;

· change your mind for no reason;

· go into action;

· and more.

All of these are absolutely necessary for Women to create a sustainable future together. A future that is based on Radical Responsibility, Love, authentic Connection, Regeneration, and Integrity in Creative Collaboration with each other and the planet.

It may be really scary to speak up, yet your conscious Anger will do that for you, when you learn how to use it.

As Women reclaim their anger as a resource, they will become more alive. What I mean by that is that they feel more, not just Anger — also Fear, Sadness and Joy. (Consider for a moment that the preconceptions of standard culture of these other feelings are similarly flawed, and that each of these other feelings serves a unique purpose, too.)

Once Women feel more, they come alive with the wisdom they carry in their hearts and their wombs, and which our world, our women, men, and children so desperately need. As Women go first, the rest will follow.

Angry women, then, birth next culture.

If you’d like to explore this more:

Anger trainings for women are happening across the globe, offline and online. Rage Clubs for Women are starting to spread like wildfire, and that is great news.

A “Conscious Anger Workbook for Women” that includes a step-by-step guide for learning to access your Anger as a resource, written together with Alice Belz, is currently being finalized and will be published by 30 March 2024. You can register your interest in the book by filling out this form here: https://forms.gle/tZqd36ye6Yk8yBrS7

Julia offers transformational spaces to empower life, including Rage Clubs and 1:1 Anger Coaching for Women. You can still join her next Training “Yes and No — Boundary Workshop” together with Annika Korsten in Motueka, NZ, on Sunday 25th February 2024, 2–5pm, or keep an eye out for her future offerings here: https://www.julia-neumann.com/events/

Julia Neumann

I am a pioneer exploring the edges of current realities, venturing into unknown territories to collaboratively co-create a regenerative culture in service of life. The best way I know how is to empower you to bring forth your unique gifts and dreams.

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