First Layer

My eyes hurt. Dry. Tension. Slight, tonight. Behind these eyes, roots. The roots, wired. Wired deep inside, all the way to my heart. The tubes are waiting. The usual tension, it keeps these highways of love dry and empty. When that happens, I am numb. I cannot feel my sadness, only the dry pressure behind my eyes.

How did those tears run dry? Why did I close my heart? How did it come to this?

The questions stir the waters. Liquid shooting into my eyes. Relaxation lurks around the corner. My mouth gets watery. I swallow. The tension behind the eyes persists. As soon as I try to find words, my sadness wants to hide.

It’s not quite true… it’s like a quiver. Cautiously, it wants to flow out of the hiding; a delicate thing, protecting itself. Depending on the words I choose, my sadness allows itself to flow more, or less.

My heart, heavy. My breath going shallow. A weight on my heart. Contained. Safely locked away. My shoulders tense, my jaws also. The subtlety of weeping waters, lying just beneath the surface. I am tired. Tired of hiding. Tired of holding it together, in order to not show that which seems delicate, but really is a force of nature.

Second Layer

There is a vastness, spaciousness inside my chest, like the ocean, or the atmosphere around the globe. A surrender. Love. Connection.

My heartbeat is also hers. I am Gaia. I know this without knowing it from my mind. The connection to Gaia through my heart’s sadness is immediate. It is home. Love beyond words. Earthy smells, fresh forest air with hints of rotten leaves.

Everything is here. No judgment. Beauty resides here, flowing out in abundance. It is everywhere.

Third Layer

A force within, bigger than me, coming through. Pulsating. Thirsty for life, for light. Vibrating. Hot. Heat in my belly, heat in my heart. An immense joy of life; a sense of wonder. Wonder at the magic. The exquisite Beauty. An urge, rushing through my body, towards the light. This is life. Precious. Ecstatic. Creative. Expansive. Vast.

How can I not love this life?

The passion is fierce in its devotion to all things life. The multiverses to be explored in this universe I call my physical body.

The immense Possibility that rests in every single moment. The fresh air of a moment that is empty from story and rich with the juices of life force. When I flow from my center, the world is my oyster, my Queendom, a rich field of abundance.

I want to meet you there. In the realm of pure presence, connection, Being-ness. Who are you? How does life express through you?

The ecstasy of witnessing you in the zest of your life force, your fullness, your gift.

When our hearts are intimate, connected as always, Gaia breathes through us.

I am here to let her flow through me. My veins are her water. My bones her trees. My flesh her soil. My nerves her mycelium.

Wisdom flowing through me from before the beginning of time.

Written during “Write your heart out”, writing hour with 

Millicent Haughey. Contact her for your personalized writing hour.

Julia Neumann

I am a pioneer exploring the edges of current realities, venturing into unknown territories to collaboratively co-create a regenerative culture in service of life. The best way I know how is to empower you to bring forth your unique gifts and dreams.

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